Meet Didi: The Focused Queen

“...retreat, and once you agree within you, pursue that thing with all you’ve got.”

— Didi Ahiauzu

First of all, a giant Thank You to everyone for the love you’ve shown on my last 2 posts. I had a good feeling these ladies will do the thing, and I’m so glad to see so many people could connect to what they said and what they’re all about. The fun-loving balance from Farrah, and the creative stretch and motivation from Kunbi seem to have been a hit with you all, and I’m so happy about this, I’m not sure I can express it adequately. So this time, I thought I’d bring someone with a different angle. The Focused Queen. The everything woman who seems to have it all, doesn’t feel like she does, but stays calm, focused and cheerful anyway! Honestly, I don’t think there’s a better way to end this series than with this particular feature. I’m sure you’ll see in addition to the similarities and common thread, the uniqueness each one brings. I mean even geographically, they all live in an obtuse triangle - Abuja, New York and now Surrey, England; yet are all in the same profession, but practising it in such different ways.

Today’s guest and I go waaaaaay back! Oh do we have stories! We have been in a choir together, done random “errands” together, sat up at night comparing notes on how naive we used to be and the trajectory our lives have taken. These paths, though divergent in many ways, have not pulled us apart though. If anything, they have made us hold even more dear the time we have together amidst the craziness of life ….. Let’s just say in recent years, there may have been missed flights due to long naps, random international trips to satisfy goat meat cravings and many other ridiculous but so memorable events that have made our friendship what it is today!

This feature was both easy and difficult. It was easy because the subject is my dear long-time friend, Didi (aka Ndidiamaka). We just calculated that we’ve been friends for close to 20 years and you know what? I’m not even letting that make me feel old. Anyway, it was easy because Didi is someone I’ve always admired. She epitomises balance. A serious student in our school days, but the one with whom you won’t notice time pass because of the unending jokes and banter. An easygoing girl but one who operates with structure. She loves fantasy but is also firmly rooted in reality. And I call it fantasy because sometimes her ideas sound so crazy to me, but she goes ahead to get them done anyway. She sometimes runs away from reality but once her back is against the wall she gets on with it and most remarkably (to me at least) does it all with a big smile and an undefeatable spirit! A child of a professor who married another child of professors and thought she had a choice, until she woke up one morning and found herself in the final weeks of getting her PhD thesis completed. Ha! Yes, that’s how used to pushing boundaries she is, that she actually considers all her achievements “not a big deal”.

“But then why was it difficult?”, you’re wondering. Well, it was very difficult for me because getting this girl to talk about herself, or her achievements, is like passing a camel through the eye of the needle. She’s modest to a fault and I had to squeeze the droplets out of her through the Q&A session as well as during our video summary conversation. Ever so efficient, she did drop some very important gems, for which I’m grateful because by featuring her, I really wanted not just to brag about one of my amazing friends (as I very well should haha), but to show you a few things - you can be busy and have fun, you can be in the process and still be fulfilled, and by reading this post, you can realise that regardless of where you are or what you’re juggling, you are not alone. The “struggle” to balance it all is not unique to you, and even if you’re currently entertaining a myriad of crazy ideas and simultaneously feeling they’re unachievable, you can actually just start and not lose yourself in the process of doing whatever is in front of you right now!

So…. there’s an interview. And there’s a short video. Even if I’ve known Didi for the longest time, I still heard some things from her that have inspired me even more to keep going. I’m calling her our Focused Queen for this series; not because she has laser focus and faces one thing overly intensely. No, quite the opposite actually. She’s a free spirit like I am, happy go lucky, in Nigerian parlance “anywhere belle face”; but when Didi stumbles on something fun or meaningful, regardless of how she got there, she just gets it done. All the way. To the highest standards of quality. While remaining her happy, cheerful self. And you know what? I don’t know about you, but that’s the kind of focus I like. Can’t lean too much in one direction to the detriment of other aspects of life, or why would we be talking about balance, of all things, for 3 weeks in a row? This is what makes us kindred spirits, the go-with-the-flow attitude laced with random seriousness just enough to let us get by.

So here you go, read, watch, listen, share, and let us know what you connect with:

M: So tell us about you!

D: My name is Didi Ahiauzu, I am a mum and co-custodian of two beautiful children, a (good and loving) wife (the best!), a financial crime professional and (not least), a dreamer!

M: What are you juggling at the moment?

D: I am currently raising a young family, managing relationships, chasing business dreams, rounding up a Doctorate in law and giving my best to my day job, with as much grace as I can muster :-)

M: Woah that’s a lot! I like how you just wrapped it up in one sentence like yeah no big deal! Anyway, this I really want to know. How do you stay authentic?

D: By being authentic! haha... Well, I would say by truly listening to ME, and being just me, comparing myself against me and enjoying the life I have, as best as I can.

M: I'm calling you "The Focused Queen" for this series :) So tell me about that part of you that is the go-getter always brimming with ideas. That's the Didi I picture when I think of you :)

D: Focus.. hmm. That is interesting :-) You might be right actually although I rarely feel focussed, as my head is always in a million places. I do have a lot of ideas and I never truly believe anything is impossible. I believe that most dreams we have are somehow what makes us tick, what makes us hopeful in the possibilities of a new day. I want to just mention that many times I whisper a word of thanks for my parents and family - I was raised to never limit myself and I think that that has formed the backbone of everything I do and the way I think today; my gender, age, colour, societal status or education has never been a hindrance; I don't even remember them, for good or bad!

M: What’s your go-to move to “get back to equilibrium”?

D: It used to be reading a book, but I would say it is just being still, dropping it all and 'rebooting'.

M: What was the last lesson you learned?

D: The 'race of life' is very individualistic

M: Is there anything you do that's exclusively for yourself?

D: My first response was "not really, not now" haha. But I would say I don't pass up on a massage/ spa opportunity

M: What are your thoughts on balance?

D: As much as possible, always remember what is important to you and tilt the scale in that direction.

M: How do you hold yourself accountable?

D: By telling people what I am up to.

M: Yes! And some of us like to follow up too :)

What has been the busiest/ most stressful season of your life so far? How did you deal with it?

D: The last 5 years:-), aka having kids lol. Well I will drill it down to the last 2 years actually. Having another baby and feeling ever so strongly that it was the right time to start a business, and then realising that I really did need to complete my PhD (all at the same time!)

M: My goodness! Okay okay, so what practical tools do you use to stay organised?

D: Goal setting and a weekly planner

M: What’s the thing about your life today that people in your past/ childhood would be most surprised by?

D: My undertaking a PhD:-)... well, that is the thing I am most surprised by. As for others, possibly the fact that I turned out 'ok' lol. I was quite naughty as a child

M: Hmmm for some reason the first one doesn’t surprise me at all. Sis, have you looked at your DNA? On the second one, no comment! Hahaha.

So what would you say to someone who feels lost in the routine/ feels like she has lost her essence at the expense of being busy and fulfilling “duty”?

D: I would say: Step back and think about that one thing that you would regret never doing (for me it is being a solid influence in my kid's lives; everything else pales). You will be surprised that your happiness may not lie in doing things, but in just being. Sometimes social media and life can make us beat ourselves up about things we don't really need. So, truly and honestly, retreat, and once you agree within you, pursue that thing with all you've got.

Thank you so much for having this chat with me. I know lots of people will be inspired and challenged to go out and keep trying to be the best version of themselves. You are such an inspiration and I wish you only the best with all the many hats you’re wearing at the moment.

The End…. For real this time… :-)

For UK based readers, Didi runs an online African Grocery store (UK-wide delivery and Surrey click-and-collect). You can connect with them on Instagram @shopzuta

You can also follow her (though the girl doesn’t even use Instagram like a normal person) @thedeeamaka and on Facebook @didi.ahiauzu

In the meantime, let Didi and I know in the comments what you think, what has resonated with you and let’s support each other as we push past the barriers and find that elusive, yet achievable, balance we all seek!