Ups, Downs & Lady Justice

I had a chat exchange with a friend a few weeks ago. I initiated it. It was one of those awkward “I’m so sorry for your loss” chats you dread so you postpone until you raise it’s just about to hop into insensitive territory. Then you send the carefully worded yet so painfully inadequate condolence message. But this situation was made more complicated by the fact that she also had some good news which in normal times we would celebrate. So I sent the condolence message and quickly followed it up with an appropriately sepia’d version of yay congrats babe! I hit send and felt uncomfortable.

So as I do, I found something to occupy myself with and was (not) doing fine until I saw my phone blink with her reply. She said “Thank you so much! For the condolences and the congratulations. Isn’t that life though? Joy and sorrow…..” and you know what? I couldn’t have described it any more aptly.

Just the other day I started my day around 1am with some amazing news I’d been waiting a good while for. Then after not even a full circuit of the hour hand, at 9am I received another piece of news that was definitely not what I was waiting to hear. And while I pride myself on my adaptability, I have recently discovered that (perhaps with age,experience or both) I spend a little more time than usual dwelling and ruminating and sinking in these lows; so this day was different. I didn’t shrug it off and perk up immediately like I used to. But I didn’t pout for too long like I apparently learnt to do in 2020. It seems I’m finding that elusive “neutral gear” in my old age.

It was almost as though the earlier good news propped me up and placed a fluffy cushion where I once sat, so that when the other disappointment came with the inevitable fall, my tailbone and ego wouldn’t hurt as much. And like my friend said, isn’t that life? Despite all these cosmic or metaphysical or hypothetical balancing going on, there’s still Life; just, you know, happening. Yes, life - the unfolded laundry, the unreturned calls, the school run, the unpaid bills, the job for which you should be thankful, yes that one that comes with unending to-do lists which I picture in my head like those continuous green and white lined paper reams with perforated edges from old school vintage printers at the headmaster’s office and the bank (is my age showing yet?) Yup. None of these is waiting for you. Yet this crazy good/bad happy/sad positive/negative yoyo business continues.

And I must say here that I’m not taking away from people who feel stuck in those unending low seasons that seem to go on for so long, your eyes adjust to the darkness and you hone your senses to do more than what they were designed for.

I do recognise that those lows exist and sometimes deep as they are, they remain adamant to an equivalent degree. I’m not diluting or taking away from that.

So what do we do with all of this? I imagine in utopia, we should stand tall. Something like Lady Justice - on one hand balancing all this up/down business very nicely, on the other hand armed to slay life generally, while blindfolded to where we should be going or what the big picture is…. yet somehow appearing graceful through it all; an emblem of all that is right and just. How???? Must be nice. And yes, I know this is not what Lady Justice represents in the real world (remember my 3 lawyer friends from the How Do You Do It series?) But hang on to my inside brain for a minute, pls. :)

And I’m pretty sure you’ve asked yourself this at least once. Is that life really and truly? Hustling and slaying and balancing and not knowing. Yet standing tall as a beacon for others? Okay. So where’s the room for delirious happiness? Where do I fit in the reckless embarrassing laughter? Or the cute mistakes that maybe don’t necessarily build character but were just fun times? What about when I want to drop the scales and wallow for a little bit. Or pick the sword and teach a few lessons y’know? Like, can’t I simply pull off the blindfolds and see what this whole beeswax is all about?

And you know what I think? I think that IS life. I think the yoyo is representative of everything I can’t control. And so I accepted that there’s gonna be turbulence and when I’m on a high, I very well may be on the precipice of an adrenaline-filled gravity defying drop. And while that leaves my belly hollow and gets the goosebumps up, I know that once I hit rock bottom, I’m swinging right up again! And if I don’t swing back up from the fall, and the low seems to have plateaued, then it’s up to me. I have some lee-way when I’m not in the middle of the swing. I can wallow if I want. I can reminisce. I can create. I can dream. I can be still. I can just…… be. And the best part? I don’t have to dread the next push because I know, I just know…. if experience taught me nothing, it taught me that when eventually that push comes, it’s gonna shove me off my butt and propel me upwards.

So yeah my Good Living with Mae instagram account which was one of my main outlets and a major channel for this brand was recently deactivated due to circumstances beyond my control, and even though I’m on a break from work, I have a ton of other demands on my time. But there is so much more out there, beyond the grids (make no mistake, Good Living with Mae IG will be back, and we ARE launching a new unrelated product soon), beyond the small and big disappointments and way beyond our expectations for what kind of good stuff could possibly be ahead!

That IS life! And we might as well love it, no?