Hey! Remember me? :)
“
Listen to your life. See it for the fathomless mystery it is. In the boredom and pain of it, no less than in the excitement and gladness: touch, taste, smell your way to the holy and hidden heart of it, because in the last analysis all moments are key moments, and life itself is grace.”
Been a minute! Here’s what I’ve been up to…..
Actually, before I start, here are a few answers to the FAQs I’ve received in the last few weeks. Haha. Yes I’m doing well. No, my social media break isn’t permanent. Not really, I haven’t been cooking as much while I settle in. I did do one midnight bake last night though. Yes, I love it so far in Canada (…okay maybe let’s hold on this one until after the winter!). But really, the last few weeks (almost 2 months!!!!) have been interesting. I’m not gonna bore you with talk about moving and settling in, and all that. Let’s do some heart/mind talk this time. Hahaha you thought I’d come back and not be deep? Seriously!
So these days have been so special for me because I haven’t ever taken time out to just be grounded, and conscious of doing less and being more. It probably seemed ridiculous and even random at first when I decided to take a break from the elevated level of social stimulation which had become my norm - calls, marathon texts, social media updates, always launching something….
Major life changes and the need to spend time with family without the extra layer of needing to “keep in touch” or “stay in the loop” was the main driver, but more than anything I craved the simplicity that has always been at the core of who I am. I listened to my life (…that quote above? Yeah, read it again. Whew!)
You see I used to be one of those people who would boldly (and somewhat arrogantly, if we’re keeping it 100) say that I’m not driven by what people think of me. And while on paper that may be truer than the extreme opposite, nothing tells you how attuned both your big goals and your daily rhythms have become to external stimuli than depriving yourself of it (or if we’re keeping with the arrogant theme, depriving it of your attention).
But then you sit (sometimes uncomfortably) in the silence, and just when you start itching to do something… anything… to fight the awkwardness. Just when you decide to sit just a little longer, then the quiet voices you once thought distant start to get clearer. You ask yourself why, why you do the things you do in the way you do them, even for the most obviously good deeds (especially those). But then instead of rushing off to the next thing, you pause, you answer, you listen to yourself, you learn, you grow…. All in the silence.
And in this clarity, without the noise, with the limited scrolling and the wider open spaces that come with reduced stimulation, I found that it was so easy to listen to my life. The one I’m settling into, in a new country, continent, career phase, industry, everything… The one where I’m also making room to dig deep into a lot of my why’s and how’s. And then one morning I find that my thought process is less nuanced and my decisions, both the mundane and the complex, seem to have cleaner lines and clearer logic. Turns out I have gifted myself the luxury (or discomfort) of not rushing through explanations to myself. And now I need to figure out what this new hybrid life will look like; where I choose what and how much I engage in and how to identify the marker on my cup so I know when to stop pouring, and also when to start filling.
Clearly, I’m having a good time, no? Hahaha. But I must say, I appreciate every single message, text, note, check-in, the questions about my how my silence affects my brand (which is cute cos “okaaaayyy? I have a brand?” Even those of you who only asked about what I’ve been cooking and baking. It’s okay, I know your love expresses itself in diverse ways :)
So even if my new life is decidedly more busy, fast-paced and swelling with increasing responsibility (you know, just incase I didn’t know that was possible), and I’m probably learning and doing more than I have in *checks mental bank* forever, I walk into my everyday feeling like I was prepared for this. Because I was. I have been. I am…. While simply…. Living!
You know I’m gonna hibernate some more. But first; what shall I cook this weekend?
